Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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