I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
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