Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Randomize
