Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
