WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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