It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
