Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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