she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
