i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Randomize
