A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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