He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
