dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
