We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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