I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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