franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
