She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
