i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
