so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
