**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
