I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
