Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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