just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
