Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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