our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
