I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Randomize
