i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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