1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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