She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
