I'm going to rape someone's good day.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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