i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
please come you make the beer taste better
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Randomize
