I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
