it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
I want you more than these girls want KFC
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
