So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
