He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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