Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
