dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Randomize
