dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
