Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Randomize
