So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
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