Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
