I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
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