I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
