i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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