Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
