Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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