just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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