I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Randomize
