Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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