Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
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