I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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