I have demons in me.
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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