It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
