i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
where are you?
Hypothermia
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sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
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she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
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