Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
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