jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Randomize
