Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
