one might say we're banned from that church
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
