then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
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