lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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