fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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