shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Randomize
