"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
You left your underwear on the fireplace
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i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
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No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
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