My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
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