If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
