Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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